My Forthcoming Book
My instructional memoire, Self-Abandon No More: A Therapist’s Quest For Wholeness, offers a precious glimpse into a feminist psychotherapist’s internal battle with independence, dependence and entitlement. Like so many women, I dared not confess that on some level I still long to be provided for. But this is has been my truth, and I fear, the secret truth for generations of women. Swashbuckling my way through the vicissitudes of divorce, single parenting and financial ruin, I courageously tackle out loud the shameful topic of female self-abandonment in my ruthlessly honest quest for wholeness.
Newly divorced and freshly jilted from a rebound relationship with a dashing venture capitalist, raising two teenage sons in a rented farmhouse I can barely afford, I am forced to confront the constraints of my resources and my own power-leaking ways. I eventually coined this self-abandoning pattern The Provider Myth. With echoes of Betty Friedan’s “problem that has no name”, the Provider Myth theory as rooted in feminine self-abandonment, highlighting the flawed perception that women need something, anything, from outside themselves, to supply the love, inner-comfort and financial freedom they require to be whole, fulfilled and fully alive.
Pursuing a graduate degree at fifty, I embarked upon a brand new career in clinical social work, ministering to the desperately poor and drug addicted just north of my rented Berkshire homestead. The opioid infested neighborhoods become a fertile environment for forging my new career and identity. Earning the trust of each client proved to be the soul’s work I have always longed for, even answering the ultimate question, “Am I a good person at the core?” Leaning into my purpose with passion and compassion, this job opened the door for every other missing part of my life; a career with heart, a path to financial security, a community of amazing colleagues, and a new identity she can be proud of.
Whether I struggling to find the money to pay for groceries and car repairs or resurrecting my friendship’s after two years of single parenting through grad school, I really try to shows readers how to ask for help and receive that help from friends, mentors, and sometimes the universe itself.
Accumulating 3000 clinical hours and passing two professional license exams, I set up a lucrative private practice and am finally able to provide my sons a respectable middle class life and college education. No longer looking for a rescue, I discovered a new kind of partnership with an adventurous photo-journalist I used to sky with. More interested in being a partner who provides, I work hard to evolve my role as a woman which brings new expectations of relationship. Over time I am able to celebrate all of the daily struggles with loneliness and financial lack through a heroic lens, allowing my trials to take on a transformational quest-like quality.
Introducing my original and exciting Provider Myth theory, I explain how women have been siphoning off their power for centuries looking outside themselves for fulfillment of their dreams. My instructional memoire demonstrates how women might attain genuine self-efficacy through optimizing what can be learned from overcoming the struggles within each obstacle they face. I can only hope that women undergoing all variations of life upheaval, will find a steady pillar of support in Self-Abandon No More. Full of helpful skills I have taught to thousands of clients, Self-Abandon No More guides and instructs with relevant psychological theory pertinent to female identity formation.
In the Homeric tradition, I am happy to report that I emerge as a full blown heroine from my own identity questing odyssey, with the holy grail prize in hand and it is a simple one: “You are the only one who you can always count on, to never abandon you in any way ever again.” Thoroughly grateful to achieve my long held goals, it still amazes me that the true prize of the quest is never the grand goal we originally set, but it’s the person we have become from everything we had to master while pursuing that grand goal. Self-Abandon No More is a guidebook for women who want to attain that coveted female milestone of achieved identity. I believe that shining an honest spotlight on the ancient pattern of ambiguity about female self-abandonment and feminine wholeness makes Self-Abandon No More an important work for our time.
My book is completed, and edited by an awesome team of discerning readers. I am currently in search of a divorced female agent with a spiritual bent. I will let you know just as soon as the book is ready. We are creating a wait list here if you wish to be first to get your own copy.
GALLERY: As I watch for photos to reveal a perfect moment, it really allows me to steep in gratitude for the life I have created through my divorce-transformation initiation.
